The Bolds on Vacation Read online

  Praise for

  series

  “This entertaining tale will make readers chortle. A good choice for reluctant readers and fans of Captain Underpants.” —Booklist Online

  “In this humorously off-kilter tall tale . . . Clary mixes animal fact with imaginative, entertaining fiction.” —Publishers Weekly

  “[T]he tale avoids didacticism, delivering its message of tolerance, inclusion, and kindness with irresistibly quirky, anarchic glee. A winner of a sequel, just the ticket for lovers of Roald Dahl.” —Kirkus Reviews

  “This series sports the humor of Captain Underpants and the heart of Winnie-the-Pooh. . . . A great choice for any library collection serving kids.” —School Library Journal

  Look out for other books by Julian Clary & David Roberts:

  The Bolds

  The Bolds to the Rescue

  First published in 2017 by Andersen Press Limited

  First American edition published in 2018 by Carolrhoda Books

  Published by arrangement with Andersen Press Limited

  Text copyright © 2017 by Julian Clary

  Illustrations copyright © 2017 by David Roberts

  All rights reserved. International copyright secured. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—without the prior written permission of Lerner Publishing Group, Inc., except for the inclusion of brief quotations in an acknowledged review.

  Carolrhoda Books

  A division of Lerner Publishing Group, Inc.

  241 First Avenue North

  Minneapolis, MN 55401 USA

  For reading levels and more information, look up this title at www.lernerbooks.com.

  Main body text set in Century Schoolbook regular 12.5/21.

  Typeface provided by Monotype Typography.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Names: Clary, Julian, author. | Roberts, David, 1970– illustrator.

  Title: The Bolds on vacation / written by Julian Clary ; illustrated by David Roberts.

  Description: Minneapolis : Carolrhoda Books, [2018] | Series: The Bolds | Summary: The Bolds, a family of hyenas masquerading as humans, have problems during a camping vacation at the beach, including stopping a dognapper.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2017030501| ISBN 9781541500440 (lb) | ISBN 9781541500464 (eb pdf)

  Subjects: | CYAC: Hyenas—Fiction. | Impersonation—Fiction. | Vacations—Fiction. | Dogs—Fiction. | Robbers and outlaws—Fiction. | Cornwall (England : County)—Fiction. | England—Fiction. | Humorous stories.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.1.C59 Bq 2018 | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017030501

  Manufactured in the United States of America

  1-43667-33483-9/28/2017

  9781541517400 ePub

  9781541517417 mobi

  9781541517424 ePub

  For my husband Ian

  JC

  For my husband Chris

  DR

  Chapter 1

  Have you ever noticed that some people’s lives are more exciting than others’? Things seem to happen to some people.

  They’ll be walking along the street, maybe going to post a letter, minding their own business, and then something occurs . . . Maybe they witness a bank robbery or they bump into someone famous from TV or their pants fall down. For these people life is action-packed, every day wherever they are, while for you and me—well, we go out, post our letter, come home—and that will be that. Nothing wildly exciting happens at all!

  The Bolds are the sort of people to whom things just seem to happen. Quite big, exciting things, through no fault of their own. They don’t go looking for adventures, adventures just seem to find them. Maybe this is because they are unusual people . . .

  Well, let’s not beat about the bush, the Bolds aren’t actually people at all. They are, as you may have heard, a family of hyenas living disguised as humans. They have to keep their tails and their animal ways hidden, but they’ve got rather good at that and, so far, no one has rumbled them.

  Now, like all hyenas, the Bolds spend most of their time laughing, and to cover this fact Mr. Bold has got himself a job writing the jokes for Christmas crackers. Consequently he tells jokes quite often. Too often, some might say. But he loves his job and it pays the bills and he is very happy.

  Mr. Bold’s wife Amelia is the sort of mother we all dream of: funny, caring, kind and hairy—well, maybe not the hairy bit. She’s very creative and imaginative and she makes wonderful, rather unusual hats, which she sells at Teddington market. Hats are very important to the Bolds—almost as important as jokes—because they’re part of their disguise and allow them to live undiscovered in the world amongst humans.

  Mr. and Mrs. Bold live in an ordinary semi-detached house in Teddington with their twins, Bobby and Betty, and another elderly hyena called Uncle Tony, whom they rescued from a safari park. Oh, and let’s not forget Miranda, a marmoset monkey, who came with Uncle Tony from the safari park.

  They all live at Number 41 Fairfield Road, and their next-door neighbor is Mr. Nigel McNumpty (a grizzly bear, as it happens) and they get along very well. So well, in fact, they are all planning to go on a two-week camping vacation together this summer. By the seaside.

  The twins are very excited as they’ve never seen the sea before. Knowing the Bolds as we do, though, it is unlikely to be a nice, restful vacation, is it? Something is bound to happen . . .

  Now, the only human who knows about the Bolds’ and Mr. McNumpty’s real identities is the twins’ best friend, Minnie. She was understandably shocked when she first heard, but has promised to keep the secret safe and never tell a soul. And so far she has proved true to her word. She spends a lot of time at the Bolds’ house, because it is a lot more fun than her own, and her parents have even agreed that she can go on the camping vacation with the Bolds. Everyone is very excited.

  But before the vacations can begin, school must finish—and on the last day of term Bobby and Betty are having their school Sports Day. I’m sure it’s the same at your school too. At the twins’ school they call it a Fun Sports Day but I’m not sure everyone finds Sports Day fun. (I certainly never did and I didn’t have a tail hidden in my shorts. I wasn’t the sporty type. But enough about me.) Anyway, Betty and Bobby’s Sports Day was on a beautiful sunny July afternoon, and Mr. and Mrs. Bold, Uncle Tony, Miranda, and Mr. McNumpty came along with all the other parents and relatives to watch and cheer.

  Mr. Bold parked the little blue car in the parking lot and the excited party made their way onto the playing field carrying a picnic rug and a deckchair for Uncle Tony. A crowd of spectators had already gathered and a few eager parents had been there since early in the morning to get a good spot. (Some people really can get over-competitive on a Sports Day.)

  Mrs. Bold was wearing a nice floral summer frock and one of her self-made hats: this one was specially designed for the occasion, and featured bunting, water bottles, fruit and several pairs of tennis shoes jauntily bobbing up and down on springs. It was a little top-heavy and she needed to hold onto it to stop it from toppling over to one side. Uncle Tony was pushing Miranda in her little doll’s stroller and Mr. McNumpty was striding along looking very gentlemanly in a pale blue suit and white fedora hat.

  Mr. Bold could hardly contain his excitement about the proceedings. “Come on, you BOLDS!” he shouted. “We are the champ-i-ons!”

  “Hush, dear,” said Mrs. Bold. “It’s a fun sports day, remember? It’s not the winning that matters, it’s the taking part. Mrs. Millin—the twins’ class teacher—says they’re all winners at this school.” />
  “Well, I know, Amelia,” he replied. “But we both know that’s not true. Look at that boy over there,” he said, pointing to a little chap who was busy picking his nose and wiping it on his shirt. “He’s definitely not a winner, and we both know that the twins could easily win every event if only . . .”

  “Lower your voice,” hissed Mrs. Bold, guessing what he might be about to say.

  “If only they didn’t have to run on just two legs,” whispered Fred. “A hyena could outrun a human any day of the week if we were back in Africa using all four legs.”

  “I know,” giggled Mrs. Bold. “What fun that would be!”

  “As it is we rather struggle waddling about on our hind trotters. Poor Bobby really wasn’t looking forward to today. He’s sure he’ll come last and it’s very frustrating for him. That boy in his class, Kyle, has teased him about how slow he is. I’d like to tear a strip off him, I really would. I can feel myself starting to growl just looking at him. Grrrr . . . Grrrr!”

  Grrrrrrrr!

  “Now, now, stay calm, old chap,” said Mr. McNumpty firmly. “Coming last is a small price to pay for the life we lead. A lot more civilized than out in the wild, remember. We’re happy living as humans and we want it to stay that way.”

  “Quite so,” said Mrs. Bold, licking her lips and waving to Minnie’s father, who was setting out a picnic of lovely-looking ham and cold sausages he’d no doubt brought from his butcher’s shop on Teddington High Street. “I just hope Bobby’s remembered to tuck his tail into his shorts properly.”

  “I think it’s time for a joke,” said Mr. Bold.

  Just then Mrs. Millin approached the Bolds, smiling brightly and holding a clipboard.

  “Good afternoon everyone, how lovely to see you. What a, er, clever hat, Mrs. Bold. One of your own, I imagine?”

  “Yes, Mrs. Millin,” said Amelia, giving an unnecessary curtsey.

  “Splendid! How creative you are.”

  Mrs. Millin raised her clipboard and produced a pen. “Now then. Can I put you both down for the Parents’ Race? It’s a lot of fun!”

  “Oh, we like fun,” said Mrs. Bold, nodding. “Count us in!”

  “Jolly good,” said Mrs. Millin, marking their names on her clipboard. “Best of luck.”

  Just then there was an announcement on the loudspeaker: “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the first race of the afternoon is the Three-Legged Race. Starting in two minutes!”

  “Ooh, Bobby and Betty are in this,” said Uncle Tony. “Let’s get a place at the front so we can cheer them on.”

  Chapter 2

  The Bolds’ party found a nice spot to settle down in, with an excellent view of the athletics track and next to George, Minnie’s father, who was tucking into a juicy pork pie.

  “What a lovely spread!” declared Mr. Bold, his mouth watering as he looked at the plate piled high with sausages. “And is that a birthday cake I can see?”

  “Afternoon, all,” said George. “Yes. It’s Minnie’s birthday today. I thought a picnic might cheer her up.”

  “Cheer her up? Oh, what is the matter?” asked Mrs. Bold, concerned.

  George sighed. “Minnie badly wanted a puppy for her present this year. But we can’t have all that mess and trouble.”

  “Mess? Trouble?” said Mr. Bold, feeling rather insulted. “Why, animals are no more trouble than humans. In fact, in my experience, animals can be a good deal cleaner and easier.”

  “Now then, Fred,” said Mrs. Bold, worrying that her husband would say too much. “The race is about to start.”

  “It’s not just that,” added George, trying to make his peace with Mr. Bold. “I’m afraid I’m allergic to animal hair. Makes me—a-chooo!—sneeze. A-chooo! A-choo! Do excuse me! There must be some animals around here, but I can’t see any.”

  Mr. and Mrs. Bold glanced at each other and stifled a giggle.

  “Bless you!” said Mrs. Bold.

  Everyone settled themselves on the grass, ready for the first race to begin. Five pairs of eyes looked hungrily at the picnic but George didn’t seem to notice.

  “What racey Minnie in?” squeaked Miranda.

  “The Hula Hooping!” said her father, before sneezing some more.

  “That’s right,” said Mr. McNumpty. “Saw her practicing in the garden with Betty. Betty didn’t seem to have the waist for it, but Minnie could hula several hoops at once. An excellent hula hooper!”

  There was a shrill whistle and the three-legged racers were off. There were ten pairs of children, one leg each tied together, doing their best to race along the track with varying degrees of success. The crowd cheered and craned their necks to see.

  “Come on, Bobby and Betty!” shouted Mr. Bold. “You can do it!”

  “Where are they? I can’t see them,” frowned Mrs. Bold.

  “Er, at the back,” said Mr. Bold.

  It was true. Right from the start it was clear the twins were hopeless at three-legged racing. The truth is, it is difficult enough for hyenas to walk on their two hind legs, without one of those legs being tied to someone else’s. This made walking, let alone running, doubly tricky, and it didn’t help that the twins were helpless with laughter.

  “Oh, sis,” said Bobby, gasping for air between shrieks of laughter, “I was dreading this but it’s actually so much fun!”

  “I know, Bobs,” wheezed Betty. “The others are so far ahead I can hardly see them! We’re definitely going to lose. It couldn’t be funnier.”

  “But we’re all winners, remember,” giggled Bobby.

  “Bob-by! Bet-ty! Come on, you can do it!” cried the Bolds, with not much conviction. But it wasn’t happening. As the winning pair crossed the finish line, the twins had barely started. The eyes of the crowd turned to the young hyenas who were making an awful lot of noise whooping, giggling, and slapping each other on the shoulders.

  “They’re having fun, aren’t they?” said a man behind the Bolds. “That’s the main thing.”

  The race was now finished—apart from the twins, who, to the delight of the crowd, had toppled over and were lying on their backs, their legs waving in the air as they gave in completely to the hilarity of the situation. The crowd burst into spontaneous applause.

  Mrs. Millin decided the whole sorry business had gone on long enough, and marched onto the track to help the twins up and untie their legs.

  “Thank you, Bobby. Thank you, Betty,” she said briskly. “Up you get, please. We don’t want our Sports Day turning into a shambles now, do we? Off you go, children.” There was a final cheer of appreciation from the crowd.

  George turned to Mr. and Mrs. Bold. “What a hilarious pair!” he said, smiling. “No wonder our Minnie likes to spend so much time with them.”

  “Mmm!” agreed Mrs. Bold, nodding, but keeping her mouth firmly clamped shut. As in fact did Mr. Bold, Uncle Tony, Mr. McNumpty, and Miranda . . .

  George then glanced down at his picnic and was surprised to see the plate of sausages strangely depleted. In fact, there were only three left. “Where have all my sausages gone?” he asked, scratching his head.

  Mr. Bold swallowed quickly. “Oh, er, pigeons, I expect,” he said. “Such a menace these days. Delicious sausages, though. I expect. The pigeons said. If they could speak. Which they can’t.”

  George eyed Fred suspiciously, then sneezed again. “A-choo!”

  Mr. Bold decided to tell a joke to divert everyone’s attention from the missing sausages.

  Everyone laughed, and George thought he saw a piece of chewed-up sausage in Uncle Tony’s open mouth, but he couldn’t be sure. And what exceedingly large teeth he has, he thought, come to think of it . . .

  Suddenly there was a welcome distraction.

  “It’s Hula Hooping time!” boomed the announcement. “The winner will be the child who can keep his or her hoop spinning for the longest.”

  “It’s Minnie’s event!” cried Mrs. Bold, and all attention turned to the field—although George thought it wise t
o move the birthday cake as far away from the Bolds as possible.

  A line of children took their places, each holding a hoop around their waist, ready to begin. Minnie was near the end, smiling nervously.

  The whistle blew and the children began hula hooping, encouraged by the crowd of parents and friends. One or two dropped out almost at once, but five—including Minnie—hula hooped with confidence, holding their arms wide while their hips swiveled and the hoops spun about, up and down, round and round.

  “Go, Minnie!” George shouted between sniffs and sneezes, and the Bolds all hollered and chanted Minnie’s name. Eventually there were just two competitors left: Minnie and a taller girl called Jasmine.

  “These two are brilliant!” came the announcement.

  The crowd were on their feet, cheering.

  “Minnie!”

  “Jasmine!”

  “MINNIE, MINNIE!”

  “JASMINE! JASMINE!” they shouted.

  “These two are never going to stop!” said the commentator, and it seemed to be true. Both girls were getting red in the face. On and on they went, beads of sweat running down their cheeks.

  “Incredible!” said the announcer.

  Finally Jasmine had to stop, clutching her side as if she had a stitch.

  “Minnie is the winner!”

  Everyone cheered, and Mr. Bold patted George on the back to congratulate him.

  “I’m so pleased for Minnie,” sighed Mrs. Bold. “And on her birthday too!”

  There were only two events left now: High Jump (Betty was going to have a go) and Long Jump (Bobby was in this). Then came the grand finale of the day, the Parents’ Race.

  Mr. and Mrs. Bold knew that their children weren’t going to win anything. There were really no sporting events where being a hyena was an advantage. Walking (or running or jumping) on two feet when you really should be using four more or less ruined your chances, to be honest.